Are you making the same mistake as 70% of millennials?

Not so long ago, I firmly believed that living alone, making my own hummus, refusing to date, and silently meditating on my dreams made me a badass. I loved being “independent”. And according to psychologists, I was living the “me me me” generational dream.

“Millennials have come of age in the era of the quantified self, recording their daily steps on FitBit, their whereabouts every hour of every day [online]…”

We love to boost our self-esteem and focus on ourselves. In fact, according to PEW research, most young adults today are waiting to get married, creating single parent households, and nearly 70% of millennials say you can’t be too careful in dealing with people.

However, we’re ok paying people to cut our hair, serve us a sandwich, play loud music while we ride a spin bike, and fix our car…

So what is it about letting people help us personally that is so scary?

You’ve seen Pinterest, everybody is yapping about vulnerability, finding your tribe, living inspired, etc… Yet we are not really willing to invest in the connections we need.

Even some of the world’s most successful go-getters recommend intentionally connecting with people that uplift.

“We all need people who give us feedback” -Bill Gates

 When I started doing the real personal development work, I got some real feedback. It became clear to me that I was largely seen as a cold, rigid, selfish, Type A “goodie-two-shoes”.

I had mistaken independence for isolation.

In order to show the world who I really was, I needed to LET PEOPLE IN.

So, I started by inviting people over (literally, to my apartment) for dinner (to eat my food). Baby steps….!

Then, I started creating space for friends to practice yoga together. Soon my friends were bringing over their favorite foods, and sharing their talents at our public meet-ups. (See Banjoga!)

My life felt more alive, successful, and real when I stopped trying to control and manage everything myself. By thinking I could do it all, I alienated and isolated the people I loved. So many people around me had wisdom and support to offer, but I wasn’t allowing them to show as their best selves (because I was busy force feeding them my hummus).

We need to stop “doing” life alone, and start celebrating each other’s’ greatness.

Together Everybody Achieves More.

ACTION STEP: Create a Dream Team.

Some key players you want to invite to your Dream Life:

Cheerleader: Your most optimistic, encouraging, fun-loving friend that you can always look to.

Teammate: Someone to try recipes, adventures, workouts, books, etc with you.

Coach: A non-biased and motivating individual that will help you see your realities and dreams, and keep you on track to becoming your best self.

Water boy: That person who loves helping you find resources, wants to connect you with other awesome people, and always has the good of the goal in mind.

Opponent: An idea, figure, or person that doesn’t see the world the same way you do. Allow them to challenge you to expand your ideas, and maybe even fuel your drive.

And tons and tons of fans! Be sure to focus on the people who want to see you win. It can be easy to see the bleacher bums and assume they “don’t get you”, as you move towards your big goals. But so many of them are watching from afar and taking note of the trails you are blazing.

Ready, Set, BRAINSTORM! Jot down people you want to play life with, and reach out to them.

I realized that I complained about a lot more than the weather. My common conversations about work, stress, money, family, and roommates were largely centered around complaints. It was fun to introduce new topics, and found myself talking about local events, goals, mindfulness, yoga, and happy places! Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a forced smile and a real one, and speaking AS IF you are the happiest, most fulfilled and energized person will begin to build the happiness muscles in your brain to become so strong, you won’t have to be playing games with positivity for long.

What you speak about you bring about!

Within days, frustrations became exciting learning opportunities. I stopped doing a lot of things because I thought I “should” do them. Within weeks, I started feeling joy, and the world started to open up with unbelievable opportunities, relationships, and lessons. Within months, I had “hannafested” (my version of manifesting) my life mission statement and work that aligned with it, a loving partner, my deepest friendships, and a move to California.

I haven’t stopped exclaiming “dream life is real life”, because these words have transformed my self-loathing into self-improvement, and I am on a mission to spread the word!

It’s not a secret anymore. Say it with me… Dream life is real life!

Be sure to focus on the people who want to see you win. It can be easy to see the bleacher bums and assume they “don’t get you”, as you move towards your big goals. But so many of them are watching from afar and taking note of the trails you are blazing.

Ready, Set, BRAINSTORM! Jot down people you want to play life with, and reach out to them.